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“Prepare and prevent, don't repair and repent.” 

-- The Keyes Family Motto 

For over a hundred years, the Keyes dynasty has been perfecting four patent-pending cybersecurity solutions to ease all of mankind’s woes. The Keyes family prides itself on taking a hands-off, yes-nonsense approach to research and development. As Francis always says, “Ya’ don’t learn safety on accident!”

Are you suffering from malware? Is phishing giving you a headache? Do bots make you break out in hives? Never fear! F.A.K.E. Security is here! Our suite of tried-and-tested solutions (patent pending) is GUARANTEED to solve all your cybersecurity woes! DISCLAIMER: Results are not guaranteed.


(34 Reviews)

AVAILABILITY: Out of Stock

MODEL: 085151

MANUFACTURER: F.A.K.E. Security

(21 Reviews)

AVAILABILITY: Out of Stock

MODEL: 089750

MANUFACTURER: F.A.K.E. Security

(57 Reviews)

AVAILABILITY: Out of Stock

MODEL: 089530

MANUFACTURER: F.A.K.E. Security

(34 Reviews)

AVAILABILITY: Out of Stock

MODEL: 089020

MANUFACTURER: F.A.K.E. Security

‘Nation-State Actor Salve’

‘Extract of Artificial Intelligence’

Worried about nation-state actors? Fear no more! The Nation-State Actor Salve will solve all your problems. The salve protects against the most aggressive attacks from the most active groups.

Our scienticians have perfected the process for extracting artificial intelligence from the most advanced sources. It will immediately improve the performance of any perimeter security products to identify zero-day threats.

This liniment is made from the powdered motherboards of the rarest computers. Just a few drops will improve the effectiveness of any cybersecurity product. You’ll feel the results immediately!

Are you plagued with APTs that just won’t go away? This tincture has the finest ingredients designed to dissolve any APT quickly and without any scarring. Apply liberally across your perimeter and see your problems disappear.


‘Machine Learning Liniment’

‘Tincture for Advanced Persistent Threats’

(8 Reviews)

AVAILABILITY: Out of Stock

MODEL: 085152

MANUFACTURER: F.A.K.E. Security

‘Block Chain Lip Balm’

This is the solution to ALL your cybersecurity problems. It's 30 times more block chain technology to protect even the most sensitive of lips.

The Keyes Estate second right after the town well. Look for ol’ Mee-Ma Keyes on her front porch sippin' her sweet & spiked tea


PHONE

+1 (413) 367-7226

INSTAGRAM

@FakeSecurity

If you don't believe that F.A.K.E. Security can solve all your cybersecurity woes, then you might as well do something crazy like disconnect from the Interwebs.

Francis and his team of cybersecurity heroes are constantly moving from town to town, but you can stay in touch by subscribing to his newsletter here.

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